


If you could murder a soul, would you?

by saienti



Series: Would you? [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Dangerous Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Toxic Relationship, dont try this at home kids, god it hurts writing Min as the bad guy, he is my ult and wow this is so hard, tags to come, the prequel nobody asked for but got anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:26:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23020168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saienti/pseuds/saienti
Summary: prequel to "If you could turn back time, would you?"can be read separately but if u want maximum angst and hurt read both jsasjks
Relationships: Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun
Series: Would you? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654495
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	If you could murder a soul, would you?

**Author's Note:**

> so yes, this is the first of two chapters to the prequel to "If you could turn back time, would you?" where u will find out what happened to Kihyun to make him turn out the way he did

First day in the new school.  
“You can do this, Kihyun. I believe in you.” Kihyun whispers to his frightened reflection. He truly is convincing. Not.  
He is finally getting new classmates, finally getting friends. Hopefully. Maybe he will even find love?  
“No, you silly ass. Focus on your studies. Nobody will be interested anyway.” he shrugs his shoulders, trying to tell himself he isn’t bothered by the way he has always been an outcast.  
One last look in the mirror, and off he goes.

The doors are big and heavy and Kihyun has to use his whole body weight to push the doors open, and even then he barely succeeds. It’s not until another boy helps him push, that the door finally opens up.  
“Thank you. I am such a weakling.” he giggles, eyes cast down, shy.  
“I’m super weak too, but look. We made it together!” the other boy smiles brightly. “I’m Lee Minhyuk. And you?”  
Kihyun dares to look up, and he almost falls over when he meets the taller boy’s gaze. His hair is light blonde, bangs falling in his eyes slightly. He has a dark brown eyeliner framing his beautiful, smiling eyes and his laughter could melt any glacier. There is something about his aura and Kihyun is immediately drawn in.  
“Yoo Kihyun, hyung.” he whispers softly, turning his gaze away.  
“You’re the new kid, right? Wow, I have to talk to Ms. Choi to get you to sit next to me so I can help you get around this hellhole!” Minhyuk screams at the top of his lungs, grabbing Kihyuns wrist and tugging him along the hallways. Is Kihyun dreaming or is he really being introduced and taken care of by a tall, slim, handsome blonde with the sweetest smile ever? It must be his lucky day.

He feels someone poke his shoulder, and looks to his right.  
“Pssst!” Minhyuk wheezes, eyes glittering. “Do you wanna come to my place? We can eat toast and watch some TV, if you want to?”  
Kihyun stomach turns, he promised to spend his night with Hyungwon, his best, and only, friend. They had planned this long before school started, and Kihyun didn’t want to miss it because he could really use the youngers support. But turning down a possible new friend? Kihyun has no idea what to do.  
“Uh, I-” he stutters. “I have to ask my mom.”  
“Of course, tell me by the end of the day!” Minhyuk finishes and turns back to his papers. Kihyun feels relieved. Was he really that nervous? Yes, yes he was. He has never had a friend before and he is unsure of how, or even if, you can turn down an invitation to spend some time together. Turns out, you can ask for a bit more time to think, which settles good with Kihyun because then he can call both Hyungwon and his mom to let them know of the new plans. He hopes Hyungwon will understand.

Of course Hyungwon understands. Even though he sounds disappointed, which feels absolutely normal to Kihyun, he wishes Kihyun a lovely night and tells him to make their usual video chat before bed. Kihyun nods quickly and hangs up. Time to call mom.  
She answers after one signal.  
“Did something happen, baby?” she sounds worried.  
“No, no. Everything is fine. Good even. I was just calling to say I will be spending some time with a new friend after school. I hope that’s alright? I won’t be gone for long. I will be home for dinner.”  
He can feel his mom smile through the phone.  
“I knew you would make new friends so quickly. I’m so proud of you, my sweet sunshine. Just text me the address so I know where to pick you up. When would you prefer I show up?”  
“Maybe around 7pm, is that okay for you?” he says quietly, hoping he won’t get noticed by his classmates calling his mom to pick him up after hanging out with a friend. It feels kind of embarrassing since he is fifteen, but Kihyun and his mom has a close bond and he tells her everything.

Walking home together with someone never felt so liberating. Maybe it’s because of this being the first time Kihyun actually spent time with someone other than Hyungwon.  
“Wow, I am so happy you mom let you spend some time with me! I have heaps of movies and a big ass screen, you will love it!” Minhyuk squeals next to him, tugging his hand to make him move faster and it fills Kihyun’s heart with a warmth he never knew he could be able to experience.  
“Yeah, it will be so much fun!” Kihyun giggles back, skipping next to Minhyuk. Had friendship always been this easy, or was it just the way Minhyuk looked at him? The way his eyes shone, like he had never seen anyone more precious than Kihyun. Kihyun can feel his heart tug at the possibility that this could be his future. And for once, he isn’t scared of change.

Clinging onto his shirt, Minhyuk continued to giggle hysterically, tears streaming down his face.  
“This is legit the funniest video I know, I watch this every time I get sad and god damn it always cheers me up!” he wheezes, wiping the corners of his eyes with Kihyun’s sleeve. Kihyun can’t stop the smile forming across his features. The way Minhyuk’s eyes turned into crescent moons and the small crinkles forming around his lips when he laughed out loud made Kihyun’s heart stop.  
Before he could react, Minhyuk had landed on top of him, faces so close it almost felt like he was being suffocated.  
“Isn’t it the funniest video ever, Kihyun-ah?” the older boy whispers.  
The way Minhyuk’s words falls on Kihyun’s lips makes his heartbeat speed up, and he feels lightheaded. He has no idea how to answer this question. Sure, it was funny. But watching Minhyuk crack up like he did was way,  _ way  _ better.  
“Yeah, it is my fav video on youtube!” he lies. Minhyuk doesn’t look convinced and starts tickling his sides.  
“Don’t lie to me, cutie!” he squeals, breath fanning out over Kihyun’s neck, making him feel so hot and gigglish.  
“Okay, hyung! I give in, it’s the best video in the universe!” he whimpers between loud pitched yelling.  
Minhyuk’s tickling suddenly becomes soft, questioning. His fingertips trail over Kihyun’s ribs ever so slowly. Kihyun’s breath gets caught in his throat.  
“Minhyuk, what are you doing?” he whispers softly, very aware of the situation and where they are heading.  
“I said don’t lie to me, cutie. We both know our attraction is mutual.” Minhyuk bites his earlobe quickly, words barely a whisper. “I haven’t been able to erase you from my mind from the moment I saw your beautiful face.”  
Kihyun instantly panics. What time is it anyway? Isn’t his mom supposed to be here any second?  
“I- Minhyuk, what-” he starts, but is cut off by Minhyuk quickly retreating, looking hurt.  
“I understand, I’m always too forward and I scare people off. I’m sorry, Kihyun. It’s just- you’re so beautiful my mind went absolutely batshit.” the blonde whispers ever so quietly, and Kihyun’s heart hurt.  
“I think you’re beautiful too, Minhyuk.”  
“So then what is wrong with me? Because I seem to disgust you!” Minhyuk suddenly yells, his stare a mix of hurt and angry. Kihyun jumps back an inch, getting more and more unsure of the situation and the way Minhyuk’s behavioural patterns seem to change within seconds.  
“Nothing is wrong! Why do you think something is wrong?”  
“So then are you just too much of a coward to actually kiss me?” Minhyuk’s gaze burns, his tone is challenging and his insult sting. Kihyun swallows, his lower lip trembling. Then he dips his head in defeat. When did this become so scary?  
As if he is sensing Kihyun’s anxiety, Minhyuk slowly crawls forward and cups Kihyun’s cheeks with his palms.  
“No, no baby don’t cry. I’m sorry Kihyun. It’s just- I don’t know how to control my emotions around you, I’ve never felt this insane connection to someone so fast. I’m sorry if I scared you or hurt you, I didn’t mean what I said. Please forgive me? I will try harder, this is new for me too.”  
Kihyun relaxes, leaning into Minhyuk’s touch. The pet name adds a soft tug at his heart, it feels good.  
“I forgive you. I mean, it’s new for both of us. I’m not used to much human interaction. I only have one friend. So I’m not sure what I’m doing either.” he answers, closing his eyes and enjoying the fact that the scary Minhyuk is gone.  
“We can figure this out together, okay?”  
Kihyun nods, opening his eyes again. Minhyuk’s dark brown ones stare right back at him, glazed over with unshed tears, and he truly looks sorry. Kihyun’s heart melt a bit just looking at the boy holding his face ever so gently.  
The sound of his cellphone startles them both, and Kihyun jumps to answer his mom.  
“It’s almost ten minutes past seven, where are you, darling?”  
Kihyun throws an eye at his wrist watch. Shit, he totally forgot the time.  
“I’m coming mom!”  
He gets up, collecting his bag and jacket and shoots Minhyuk and apologetic smile.  
“I have to go. I’m sorry abo-” he trails off, but Minhyuk shakes his head vigorously, his blonde hair bounces around his soft cheekbones.  
“Don’t apologize. I totally understand. I’ll see you in class tomorrow?”  
Kihyun nods eagerly. He feels special that Minhyuk is looking forward to seeing him tomorrow.  
“Meet me five minutes before class, outside by the big oak. We can walk together to class. Okay, baby?” Minhyuk asks with a toothy grin. Kihyun’s heart once again tugs at the pet name, and he returns the smile.  
“Can’t wait.”

Before Kihyun can react, it’s already morning and time to go to school if he is gonna make it in time.  
He has spent an embarrassing amount of time getting ready, doing his makeup ever so subtly and picking his best pair of boxers. His school uniform is freshly washed and ironed, thanks to his mom who he had been annoying, since they got home yesterday, to clean it. He wanted to be extra flawless when he met Minhyuk today. He didn’t even know why, but there was something that made him want to put the extra effort in.  
“Wow, honey. You look extra dazzling today. Special occasion?” his mom beams towards him while he ties his shoes.  
“Um… actually I wanna impress a- a friend.” Kihyun whispers under his breath and his mother laughs airily and gives him a soft hug.  
“I’m already impressed so I’m positive your friend will be stunned!”  
Kihyun is sure she knew what he meant, and he is very thankful for having such an understanding and caring mother. All she ever wanted was for him to be happy.  
“Text me with the results later, angel!” is the last thing she squeals before Kihyun shuts the front door and runs to the bus station.

Minhyuk’s blonde hair is shining against the dull bark of the big oak, and Kihyun sees him as soon as he hops off the bus. He wants to yell Minhyuk’s name, but stops himself. He doesn’t want to embarrass the blonde boy. So instead he jumps quickly to where the older is standing, being by his side in matter of seconds.  
“Good morning, baby!” Minhyuk’s sunshine smile lights up the whole school yard, and Kihyun’s knees gets weak realizing that smile is for him and him only.  
“Good morning, hyung.” he tries matching Minhyuk’s grin but is unable to, there is no way he could mimic the happiness Minhyuk radiates.  
“Did you sleep well?” Minhyuk says quietly as he cups Kihyun’s face between his palms, rubbing the pad of his thumb ever so sweetly against Kihyun’s cheekbones. Kihyun nods, he had a great night’s sleep.  
“Good, me too. Couldn’t stop thinking about you though, so it took me a while before I was able to finally visit dreamland.” the blonde giggles, a shy smile tugging at his lips. Kihyun meets his gaze, it’s so soft and loving, it’s smothering him. He can’t help but lean in towards Minhyuk’s lips.  
After a quiet gasp, Minhyuk kisses him back eagerly. His tongue prods at Kihyun’s lips, asking permission to get inside. Kihyun hesitates for a second, this is so new to him still. He feels Minhyuk slow down against him, and not wanting to lose the feeling, he quickly opens his mouth to let the blonde’s tongue slide in. He is met with a loud groan against his mouth, and Minhyuk licks every inch of his mouth that is within reach. Kihyun melts in his touch, never knowing he could feel so good.  
The loud ring of the bell calling all students to their classes interrupts their heated makeout session, and Minhyuk quickly puts distance between them.  
“Let’s go to class!” he murmurs, big hand taking a hold of Kihyun’s wrist, tugging him towards the entrance.

Getting to lunch break felt like years, Kihyun had never been as impatient as he had been the past hours. He has always been a good and attentive student, but meeting Minhyuk changed something in him. It has awoken something he wasn’t aware he had in him.  
During class they exchanged heavy gazes, accompanied with short texts confessing every kind of emotion rushing through their hazy minds. Kihyun has never been so restless, and he had to snap himself out of his thoughts every five minutes to prevent the growing bulge in his pants from becoming too obvious. It was a good thing they didn’t sit next to each other for most classes, the teachers wanting the students to socialize with everyone. Otherwise he isn’t sure how he would have fought Minhyuk’s piercing gaze on him and demanding hands under the table.  
Finally the bell dismiss them for lunch, and Kihyun rush towards the bathrooms where they decided to meet up after class.  
Locking himself in a stall, he tries to calm his erratic heartbeat. How could Minhyuk have known all the buttons to push when it came to Kihyun? How was he so sure of how to make Kihyun become a pliant mess under his skilled orders?  
Seconds later he hears the door open, and a quiet whisper echoes in the spacious bathroom.  
“Kihyun-ah- baby boy?”  
Kihyun has no time to act before he is sitting on the tiled floor, his knees giving away under him with Minhyuk’s pet names.  
“Ah, I spy with my little eye a cute butt on the floor!”  
Kihyun giggles faintly, feeling equal parts silly and giddy. Minhyuk’s footsteps come to a halt outside of the stall Kihyun is in, and he knocks two times.  
“Would you let me in, angel?” he coos and Kihyun barely holds in a moan. He has never felt this fire inside before. Shakily, he rises to his feet and unlocks the hinge to the door, and within seconds Minhyuk is inside, locking the door again and scooping Kihyun up in his embrace.  
“Look at my sweet cupcake. I’d eat you alive if I could!” Minhyuk brushes his nose against Kihyun’s cheek before releasing his grip. Kihyun feels so sweaty, his whole body is on fire. Who is this boy that Minhyuk woke up? Has it always been there or did Minhyuk turn him into someone else?  
“Please- please kiss me.” Kihyun whispers. Minhyuk gives him the warmest grin ever before leaning in and catching Kihyun’s lips between his own. Everywhere Minhyuk touch, Kihyun’s skin is ablaze. He doesn’t know what to do with himself other than cling to Minhyuk and let him lead the way.  
Suddenly, Minhyuk puts some distance between them, his eyes hazed with want.  
“Ki- Kihyun. Do you think you-” he pauses, swiping his bangs out of his eyes. “- could you suck me off?”  
Kihyun’s jaw drops, and he isn’t sure what to answer. He doesn’t understand his own body, or the signals he is getting. Does he want this? He doesn’t know, and it’s making his anxiety rise like a tidal wave.  
“Wha- what?” he pants, eyes wide. “Why?”  
It’s such a stupid question, he knows, but his mind is racing and he has no control over the situation. He feels calm when Minhyuk is in charge, but he isn’t quite ready for this. Is he? He can’t tell. Everything is so foreign, so new and he didn’t get the chance since yesterday to collect his thoughts and explore deeper what he actually felt or wanted to.  
Minhyuk stares at him, eyes suddenly vacant of the lust it had mere seconds ago.  
“What do you mean ‘Why?’, Kihyun?” his tone is almost mocking. “Isn’t that pretty obvious?”  
Kihyun gulps, the uneasy feeling from yesterday creeping up on him. This Minhyuk makes him scared. Before Kihyun can answer, Minhyuk bites back.  
“I thought I gave you time, since yesterday. I really want this, but you seem like you’d rather just play with my emotions. If you’re gonna play games with me, I can find hundreds of guys more willing and experienced than you. Why are you so fucking afraid, Kihyun? I won’t fucking hurt your stupid pride or reputation! You don’t even have to be seen in public with me if you’re so ashamed by me wanting you so badly!” Minhyuk yells at the top of his lungs, taking Kihyun by surprise. He falls back against the wall, guilt gnawing at every inch of his insides. Why did Kihyun always mess it up and hurt Minhyuk? Why couldn’t Kihyun be as sure as him? There had to be something he could do to satisfy Minhyuk, but what? He opens his mouth, but gets cut off once again by the blonde.  
“You know what? Fuck this. I’m really trying to make this work and give you all my affection, but if you can’t even give me one hint that you’re interested in me in the same way, I don’t know why I’m wasting my time on a stupid virgin like you when I can find so many other men willing to make me smile.”  
Kihyun can only stare in disbelief. Minhyuk unlocks the door and storms out, and Kihyun sinks down to the cold floor, wondering how he ever could make this up to Minhyuk. How can he make Minhyuk see that he does want him, he’s just insecure? He cries silently in his hands, wishing he wasn’t such a coward. He wishes Minhyuk would praise him, he wants to make him happy. Why does he only hurt the beautiful boy?

**Author's Note:**

> yuuuhhhhh chapter two coming soon, i have tons of different fics im writing at the same time soooooo pls dont hate me if my updates are slow kjndfjkdsnf  
> i hope u find this somewhat enjoyable despite the angst and hurt and emotional abuse kmskdsk


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